In a world where zombies roam and vampires rule, how far will Hannah Jordan go to survive?
Desolation is the first book in my post-apocalyptic horror trilogy, Dominion of the Damned.
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Chapter Nine
Hannah began to relax. When the helicopter had lifted off, a mild sense of panic had gripped her. Closing her eyes, she clung to the children and concentrated on the feeling of Noah’s warm little body in her arms, something she’d been afraid she would never feel again.
At last, she ventured a look out the window. It was too dark to see the ground, but when she looked up she could see the stars. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen them, nor had she ever seen so many of them. She could even see the Milky Way, a river of starlight cutting across the night sky.
A sense of calm washed over her as she gazed up at the stars. She leaned over to look back at the ground they’d covered. The prison was already out of sight. There were no lights on the ground. She didn’t know whether it was because they were flying over open countryside, or because there simply wasn’t any power this far out.
Up front, Konstantin and the pilot were both lit up by the soft, green glow of the instrument panel. Konstantin looked angry as they spoke animatedly to each other. Hannah found a set of headphones hanging above her. She put them on and fumbled with the switch.
“—thought you were guarding it,” said Konstantin.
“I was,” said the pilot. “But I could only keep watch from inside during the day. You know that.”
“Somebody must’ve gotten past you.”
“I don’t see how.”
“How else do you explain it?” Konstantin sighed. “Never mind. Can you land it?”
“Sure. But it’ll be rough. I don’t think there’s enough to get us all the way down.”
“What’s happening?” asked Hannah.
Konstantin looked back at her. If he was annoyed at her listening in, he didn’t show it. “We’re losing fuel. We have to land.” He unbuckled his seat belt and shifted toward her. “Give the baby to me.”
Hannah tightened her grip on Noah. “Why?”
“He’ll be safer with me. I’ll be able to hold onto him better. You and Abby need to brace for impact. Put your heads down on your knees and hold on.”
The panic she had wrestled free from at takeoff returned and seized her heart in an iron fist. Hugging Noah tightly, she kissed his forehead before reluctantly handing him to Konstantin.
He took the baby gently. “Make sure your belts are tightened,” he said as he put his back on.
Hannah reached over to check Abby’s straps, and then took down another set of headphones and put them on her. “Can you hear me?” she asked after switching them on. The little girl nodded. “We’re going to land now, okay? And it might be a little scary, so you need to hold on.”
“Are we crashing?”
“I don’t know. But we need to be ready, just in case.”
“I’m scared!”
“I know. It’ll be okay. Now lean over and hold onto your knees, okay? Like this.” Hannah leaned forward and embraced her legs. Abby imitated her. “Good. Now keep your face in your lap and close your eyes.” The little girl buried her face between her knees. Hannah did the same, breathing deeply to keep from hyperventilating and forcing her muscles to unclench as the helicopter descended.
It fell too fast. The engine went silent and the hum and steady beat of the blades slowed to nothing. Abby cried softly as Hannah said a silent prayer.
The pilot shouted, “This is it!”
The impact jarred Hannah’s entire body. Her top half flung backward, slamming her head against the wall. She flopped forward again, limp as a rag doll, stunned and disoriented. Metal groaned and she realized they were still moving, tilting forward. They fell back again with a crunch and everything went still.
Noah was crying. So was the little girl. “Is everyone all right?” Konstantin called out.
Hannah opened her eyes. Her vision swam. She shook her head to clear it and instantly regretted the movement. The back of her head throbbed with pain. She blinked until she could see straight, and then looked over at Abby. “Are you okay?” She checked the girl over and didn’t find any injuries. “We’re fine,” she told him. What about Noah?”
“He’s okay.”
“Give him to me.”
Konstantin handed her the baby. “You need to quiet him.” He glanced at Abby. “Quiet them both.”
“They’re traumatized. I think they can be expected to cry for a while.”
“They’re going to hear us,” Konstantin hissed. He turned to the pilot. “The radio?”
“Busted.”
“Can you fix it?”
“I can try. Better get them out of here, though.”
Konstantin kicked the damaged door until it opened wide enough to let him climb out. Turning and reaching into the back, he unbuckled Abby and pulled her into his arms. “I know you’re scared, but you need to be quiet right now. Can you do that? Can you be a brave girl?”
She clung to him and nodded, her sobs winding down into small whimpers. He held a hand out to Hannah. “We have to move.”
She slid across the seat and out of the helicopter without taking his hand. Once her feet hit the ground it seemed to tilt violently beneath her, pitching her forward. She managed to hold onto Noah as Konstantin caught her with his free arm. He held her, steadying her, his arm solid and strong. “You’re bleeding.”
“I hit my head.”
“Tell me how you feel.”
“Dizzy.” Her stomach flopped over and threatened to heave. “And like I might be sick.”
“You probably have a concussion.” He leaned her against the helicopter with a sigh. “Give me the baby.”
“No.” Her voice sounded weak, and it was all she could do to hold Noah and stay upright. But she didn’t want to let him go.
“Hannah, look at me.” He cupped her chin gently and tilted her face toward his. Then he produced a small flashlight from one of the countless pockets of his fatigues. “Keep your eyes open.”
He clicked the light on and shined it into her eyes. She blinked, but did her best to keep them open.
“You definitely have a concussion,” he said, putting the light away. “You’re in no shape to move right now. You’ll have to stay with Carl while I get the children to safety. Then I’ll come back for you.”
“Why can’t we stay here?”
“The crash drew their attention. They’re coming.”
Hannah didn’t have to ask who they were. “Where are you taking them?”
“There’s a barn.” He pointed behind him. “That way. It’s not far. I can get the children there and then come back for you before the others get here. But I have to go now.” He pressed cold metal into her hand. “Can you shoot?”
“Always.”
“Good. They’ll be drawn by the scent of blood. I should be back before they reach you, but you’ll have this just in case. Now hand me the baby.”
Hannah tried to hold onto Noah, but she could barely even hold the gun he’d given her. The doctor slipped the baby from her arms before she could protest. “Carl, watch out for her,” he called to the pilot. “I’ll be right back.”
He moved so fast that the darkness swallowed him up almost immediately. Noah’s cries grew more distant with each passing second. Hannah hoped that she hadn’t just made another fatal mistake, letting him go.
Nausea overwhelmed her. She dropped to her hands and knees and emptied her stomach onto the ground. When she was done, she rolled over onto her side.
“Whoah, there.” Carl the pilot came around the helicopter. “The doc’ll have my head if he comes back and sees you like that.” He helped her to her feet and guided her back into the helicopter, practically lifting her into the back seat. He leaned into the front and rummaged for something, then handed her a rag. “Here. Press that to the back of your head.”
When she took it from him, he smiled, revealing fangs that glinted in the interior’s faint light. She drew back and his smile faded.
“What’s wrong? Oh,” he nodded, seeming to realize. “These. Don’t worry. Happens when we smell blood. It’s just a reflex, like how your mouth waters when you smell a good steak on the grill. Doesn’t mean a thing.”
“Why are you helping me? Why not just kill me?”
Carl laughed. “Well for starters, the doc would rip me a new one, and I don’t mean that metaphorically. Anyway, why would I kill you?”
“You’re a vampire.” She said it as though it should be obvious.
He shrugged. “So’s the guy you just handed your baby to. Do you think he wants to kill you?”
“I don’t know what he wants.”
“Right now, he wants you safe, and he wants me to get that radio working so I can call for help.” He set the rag beside her and left her to get back to work.
She picked up the rag and held it to the back of her head. It hurt to touch and the rag grew wet and sticky with her blood. Her entire head throbbed. After a moment, another wave of nausea washed over her, but she breathed deeply and managed to keep it under control. Suddenly sleepy, she fought the temptation to lie down.
Outside, a haunting chorus of moans drifted on the wind. Hannah’s grip tightened on the gun handle. She should check to make sure it was properly loaded, but she could barely lift it. The edges of her vision became cloudy and gray. As that cloud closed in, she felt herself slipping, sliding down into the seat.
Strong arms lifted her and held her against a solid chest as they carried her away from the helicopter. Its light faded away as darkness swallowed her up and wind filled her hair. Close by, she heard a lifeless groan. Too close. She fumbled with the gun that she still held against her stomach, but she was too weak to lift it, let alone aim and shoot.
“It’s okay,” Konstantin’s voice murmured in her ear. “I can outrun them.”
Even as he said it, the groaning faded into the distance. Hannah realized the wind she felt came from speed. He was running so fast. Even as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, around them all she could see was a blur.
She heard Noah crying in the distance, getting closer and closer. They slowed, and then stopped. The outline of a barn loomed before them, rimmed in the faint glow of starlight. Konstantin dropped into a crouch and pried the gun from her hand. She heard nine rounds fire, followed by the click of an empty chamber. He picked her up again and shouldered the barn door open.
Noah sounded close. His cries echoed through the barn. Hannah tried to call out to him, but all she could muster was a faint moan. Konstantin set her on her feet only long enough to reposition her into a fireman’s carry. It was too dark inside the barn to see anything, but she felt them ascend, and then she sank into a pile of hay, with Noah’s cries right next to her.
Faint light came through a small, square window above the loft. Once Hannah’s eyes adjusted, they could make out the little girl sitting in a corner, holding Noah.
Outside, a single groan quickly grew into a chorus. The barn shook with the force of multiple bodies hurling themselves against the walls.
“What is that?” Abby cried.
“Don’t worry,” said Konstantin, pulling the ladder up behind them. “Even if they get in, they can’t get up here.” His hands slid under Hannah’s arms and pulled her away from the edge. “We’re safe.”
“Give me the baby,” said Hannah, finally finding her voice.
“I need to check that head wound first. Can you sit up?”
She nodded.
Helping her sit upright, he said, “Abby, remember what I told you. Are you being a big, brave girl for the baby?”
“Yes,” she said, but her voice sounded small and scared.
“You’re doing a great job. I need you to hold him just a while longer. Can you do that?”
“Okay.”
Gingerly, his fingers parted Hannah’s hair. A flashlight flicked on behind her. “For as much as it’s bleeding, it’s not that deep. You’ll probably have one hell of a headache for a while, but you should be okay as long as we can stop the bleeding.”
Remembering the pilot’s reaction to her blood, Hannah wondered if Konstantin had the same reflex. Curiosity compelled her to turn and look. She did so just in time to see him pull his T-shirt over his head, revealing a lean, sculpted torso. Under the circumstances, it startled her more than anything else. “What are you doing?”
“You need first aid.” He took hold of the shirt and ripped it in two. “Without a kit I’ll have to improvise. Now face front and hold still.”
She turned around and heard more ripping sounds behind her, and then sucked air through her teeth as he pressed cloth to the back of her head.
“Give me your hand.” She held up her right hand and he guided it to the cloth. “Hold this here until I tell you to let go.” He wrapped a strip of the T-shirt around her head and said, “Okay.”
She focused on breathing while he finished wrapping her wound. He hadn’t been kidding about the headache. She’d had migraines that felt like hugs and puppies compared to this. Noah’s crying felt like it was cutting to the core of her brain.
“Give him here.” She turned toward Abby and reached for him. Konstantin took the baby from Abby and placed him in Hannah’s arms.
Gradually, he calmed down as she hummed his favorite lullaby. After a few more minutes, he fell blissfully asleep. Hannah breathed a sigh of relief.
“Why don’t I take him for a while?” asked Konstantin. Hannah looked and saw that Abby had crawled over next to him and curled up at his side. “You should try to get some sleep.”
“I thought you weren’t supposed to sleep if you have a concussion.”
“You can if you’re supervised. Now hand him over. Doctor’s orders.”
“I’ve got him,” she insisted, in spite of feeling a powerful need to lie down. She nestled him in the hay beside her and curled around him.
Konstantin began to sing, his voice soft and low. She didn’t know the song, but it sounded old and European. He had a nice voice, and it calmed her in spite of everything.
Outside, the dead continued their assault on the barn. Hannah thought that she’d never sleep with all of the unearthly noise they made.
That was her last conscious thought before someone shook her by the shoulder. “Wake up.”
She opened her eyes and blinked until the barn came into focus. It seemed a little brighter than before. Moonlight shone through the little window, making the vampire’s pale skin gleam a ghostly white.
“Can you sit up?” She nodded and pushed herself up. He helped her, taking her by the shoulders and holding her steady. “Do you know where you are?”
“Yeah.” She sounded groggy.
“Do you remember how you got here?” When she nodded, he asked, “What’s your name?”
She couldn’t help rolling her eyes. “Hannah. Hannah Jordan.”
He smiled slightly, nodding in satisfaction. “Well, you’re probably not brain-damaged. How do you feel?”
“A little better. My head still hurts.”
“Are you still dizzy?” She shook her head. “Nauseated?”
“No.”
“Good.” He held the gun out to her. “Because we have to move.”
“What? Why?”
“Carl couldn’t fix the radio.” He jerked his chin to point behind her and she turned to see the pilot seated at the far end of the loft. He raised his hand in a small wave.
“There’s a house about fifty yards from here. Carl already did recon. It’s boarded up, but the back door’s unlocked.”
“But why can’t we stay here?” asked Hannah. “They can’t get to us up here.”
“Because it could be tomorrow night, or later, before a search party finds us. Carl and I need cover from the sun, and you and the children need to eat. Abby’s already told me three times that she’s hungry. Carl said there’s a pantry full of canned food in the kitchen.”
Hannah looked over to the corner where Konstantin had been sitting, and saw the little girl curled up in the hay next to Noah, both of them sound asleep. She sighed. She’d already made the blunder once of leaving safety for the unknown. She didn’t want to make that same mistake again; and it still made her uneasy, putting their lives in the hands of two vampires. But Konstantin hadn’t failed her yet. For whatever reason, he wanted to keep them alive.
Besides, he was right. They couldn’t spend all day up in that loft. Not if there was an alternative.
She took the gun. “I thought it was empty.”
“I replaced the magazine.” He dug in his pocket and pulled out another one. “And I’ve got another spare.” He handed it to her and she tucked it inside her jumpsuit. “That’s eighteen rounds. Don’t use them unless you have to.”
“This isn’t exactly my first time.”
“Of course not.” He nodded deferentially. “Carl and I will go first. We’ll handle the ones that got into the barn. Once we’re outside, we’ll move back to back, in a triangle, with the children in the middle. We’ll both face front and clear a path. You’ll guard the rear. All right?”
Hannah nodded. She pulled her hair back and wrapped a lock of hair around it to secure a low ponytail below the bandage, and then crawled over to the children. She picked the baby up, gently, willing him to stay asleep. Then she shook Abby.
“Wake up, sweetie. We have to go for a walk. It’s not far, but it’s going to be scary. I need you to be a big, brave girl again, okay?”
Abby nodded and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.
“Can you carry the baby?”
Again, she nodded, and sat up. Hannah turned back to Konstantin. “We’re ready.”
“All right. Don’t lower the ladder until we tell you.”
“Wait. You’re not armed.”
Konstantin smiled, revealing extended fangs. “Yes we are.” He dropped off the edge of the loft, and Carl followed.
Chapter Ten
Hannah hung back with the children and waited. In the darkness below, groans were abruptly silenced, replaced with the sounds of cracking bones and tearing flesh.
“What is that?” Abby whispered, clinging to Hannah’s side.
“They’re fighting the monsters.” Hannah inched forward until she could see over the edge of the loft. A moonbeam shone through a hole in the roof, lighting up a small patch of the dirt floor like a dim spotlight. Around it, the barn was flooded with shadow. Sounds of struggle came from both sides. Hannah jumped as a rotting head rolled into the light.
A moment later, Konstantin appeared, standing over the head. He looked up at her. “It’s okay. You can come down.”
Hannah found the ladder and lowered it to the ground. She tucked the gun into her belt and then, cradling a still-sleeping Noah in one arm, she climbed down, guiding Abby behind her.
Konstantin led them to the barn door, where Carl held it shut against the rest of the horde. “We’ll go first,” said Konstantin. “They won’t be interested in us, but they’ll try to get past us to get to you.” He touched her arm. “We won’t let them.”
Hannah nodded and handed the baby to Abby. “Hold him tight and be careful not to drop him, okay?”
“What if he cries?”
“Let him cry. Just don’t drop him.”
“Ready?” asked Konstantin.
Hannah pulled the gun from her belt. After making sure there was a round in the chamber and that the spare magazine hadn’t fallen out of her jumpsuit, she nodded.
“Follow Dr. Konstantin and Carl,” she told Abby. “Stay in the middle.”
She held the gun ready as the two vampires shoved open the doors. Hannah gasped. It was hard to tell for sure in the moonlight, but there were at least a hundred zombies in their way.
The vampires became a blur of motion. All around them, the dead fell as Konstantin and Carl tore through them with their bare hands, clearing a path. Slowly, they moved forward. Edging out of the barn, Hannah took her place behind them, closing the gap to shield the children and taking out anything that got past the others with her handgun. They didn’t make it ten yards before she had to reload.
Finally, after a few more yards, the zeds appeared to thin out. Hannah was down to only four bullets and there were still about a dozen yards between their little group and the house. “I’m almost out,” she called over her shoulder. “Only four bullets left!”
“We’re almost past them,” Konstantin called out. “Just a few more feet, then Carl will take the children and run.”
A woman with half of her face rotted away stepped directly in front of Hannah and reached out clawed hands. She fired and watched her drop. “Three!”
“We’re clear,” said Konstantin. “Run!”
Hannah turned to run, but she was swept into his arms and the world around her became a blur. Then he set her down inside the kitchen of an old farm house. She swayed dizzily, struggling to get her bearings as Carl slammed the door shut behind them.
“There looked to be a couple dozen left,” he said, “but those gunshots are sure to draw more, if there are any more of ‘em in earshot.”
He and Konstantin shoved a free-standing wooden pantry in front of the door. Once they were satisfied nothing could get in that way, they each took out their flashlights and set them on end on the kitchen table, lighting up the room.
Hannah turned to Abby. “Are you okay?”
To her surprise, Abby giggled. “I think he’s hungry.” Noah had woken up and was contenting himself by grabbing clumps of Abby’s curls and stuffing them in his mouth.
In spite of everything, Hannah smiled. She couldn’t believe they made it. “Here, I’ll take him.” She lifted the baby into her arms and he greeted her with a gurgly smile.
Konstantin opened the pantry and peered inside. “Peaches and peas,” he announced. He gathered some cans and put them on a nearby counter. “Not exactly a feast fit for kings, but it should tide you over until we reach camp.” He pointed at the peas. “You should be able to mash those up for the baby.”
Hannah noticed bite marks on his arm and took a step back. “You’re bit.”
He glanced at his arm. “It’s nothing. Their bites don’t affect us. Stay here with the children and get some food in you. We’ll check out the rest of the house.” He turned to Carl. “Look for candles or batteries. And if you see a first aid kit, grab it.” He looked at Hannah. “I’m going to find something to redress that wound. If anything comes in here that isn’t us, shoot it.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” she muttered as they headed out of the kitchen.
The cans of peaches were pull-top, so Hannah opened one and sat Abby at the table with it.
She had choked down her own can of peaches and was trying to coax Noah to eat the peas she’d mashed with a halfway-clean fork when Konstantin returned.
“The coast is clear upstairs.” He had put on a plain, white tee. It hung too loosely on him to be his. “I found alcohol and a roll of gauze.” He set them on the table and then picked up a flashlight. “Abby, would you like to be my nurse?”
The girl nodded enthusiastically and got up from her chair. He handed her the flashlight. “Hold it still and shine it on the back of Hannah’s head, like this.”
Hannah continued to feed the baby while Konstantin unwrapped her bandages. Warmth spread through her chest as his fingers gently pried off the cloth strips. She was already getting used to the feel of his hands. She tensed up, fighting the urge to relax and let her guard down.
If Konstantin were a man, it would be all too easy. He would be a dream. Handsome, strong and capable, good with children. And a doctor, to boot.
But he wasn’t a man. No matter how nice or caring he might seem, Hannah could never let herself forget that. Everything he did for her had an ulterior motive. When he looked at her and the children, all he saw was food. Food, and fodder for his experiments.
He picked up the rubbing alcohol. “This will probably sting. Try to hold still.”
Hannah braced herself. It did sting while he flushed out the wound, and it made her headache worse. But at least that part was over quickly. He dabbed at it with a wad of gauze.
“What about you and Carl?” she asked as he re-wrapped her head in the gauze. “What are you going to eat to tide you over?”
“We can go a few days without feeding. Don’t worry about us.”
“It wasn’t you I was worried about.”
His movements paused, but only briefly. “Do you really think I’d bother trying to keep your wound from getting infected if I was planning to feed on you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know why you’re doing any of this.”
He tied off her bandages. “Thank you, nurse Abby, that will be all.” He set the light back on the table and pulled out a chair to face Hannah. He sat down and leveled his gaze at her. “We’re in a survival situation here, Miss Jordan. We’re not going to make it if we can’t trust each other.”
Hannah laughed. “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who has to be afraid.”
“No? The sun will be up soon. Carl and I will be vulnerable then, especially if we fall asleep.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I hope we can count on you to watch our backs, as we’ve watched yours. You’re under my protection, Hannah. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Any of you.” He leaned back and folded his arms. “I think someone’s given you the wrong idea about me and my camp.”
“Then what’s the right idea?”
He leaned forward again and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything Carl came through a door on the other side of the kitchen. His arms were loaded down with an LED lantern and several flashlights. “Basement’s clear,” he said, carrying everything over and dumping it on the table. “Found more light.”
“Thank you, Carl,” said Konstantin. He looked back at Hannah. “Something tells me you’ll have to see our camp for yourself before you’ll believe anything I tell you about it.”
“Hannah,” said Abby, “It’s hot in here. And I have to potty.”
“You can go upstairs,” said Konstantin. “The windows aren’t boarded, so you’ll be able to get some air. And you’ll be safe in the daylight.” It looked like it pained him, having to add that last bit of reassurance, but Hannah was glad to hear it.
She stood up and held out a hand for Abby. “Come on. Let’s go find the bath-room.”
Alek watched Hannah leave with the children. As much as he hated to admit it, Esme was right. Hannah did remind him of Irina. It wasn’t that there was a physical resemblance, beyond the dark hair and eyes they shared in common. Nor could their personalities have been more different.
No. It was the haunted look in Hannah’s eyes that did it, a perpetual look of distrust, like she never felt safe. Irina’s eyes had been filled with that same look of despair the last time he had seen her.
He hadn’t been able to remove that look from his wife’s eyes. But he wanted to see it gone from Hannah’s.
But how was he supposed to do that when all she saw when she looked at him was another dead thing that wanted to eat her?
It was a ridiculous thing to feel, anyway. He barely knew the girl. And she was a girl, barely out of her teens. He wondered what she had been like before all of this started, before she became burdened with her parents’ death and the care and protection of her infant brother. With the simple act of getting through each day alive.
He tried to imagine her as a care-free student, with passing tests and getting good grades among her biggest worries. It was difficult to picture her like that. He realized as he tried that it was something he’d like to see someday.
“What now, Doc?” Carl asked, snapping him out of his reverie.
“Now we wait. You should try to sleep. I’ll keep watch.”
“You want to sleep in shifts?”
Alek shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll be sleeping today.”
After Carl exited the kitchen, Alek closed his eyes and tried to think about the formula he and Zachary had been working on before he left. He wondered if his assistant had made any progress in his absence. He tried to run the numbers in his head, but he was too tired. And too hungry.
He’d gotten no sleep the day before, thanks to Esme’s stunt with hiding Hannah in solitary confinement while he searched for her. He hadn’t fed since leaving his own camp. Despite what he’d told Hannah, the hunger was beginning to get to him.
The scent of blood didn’t help. It filled his nostrils, making his teeth extend and his stomach growl. He saw the wadded up T-shirt strips that he’d used to bandage Hannah’s head on the counter where he’d left them. He got up and went over to them.
The cloth was still slightly damp, soaked with blood that hadn’t yet dried. He held it up to his nose and inhaled, but that only made things worse. His mouth watered and he brought the cloth to his lips, so tempted to taste it, to suck out every last drop.
But then he imagined Hannah’s horror at finding out that he’d tasted her blood without her consent. He looked around the kitchen until he found a garbage can. He tossed the bloody strips into the can and then set the entire thing inside the basement door and shut it.
But he could still smell it, even through the door. Growling disgustedly at himself, he left the kitchen and went into the darkened living room, where Carl was already asleep on the sofa.
Alek went to the staircase. He sat on the bottom step and put his head in his hands.
He hated these reminders of what he had become. Hannah looked at him like he was a monster because that’s exactly what he was. She was a smart girl to keep that in mind. No matter how much he tried to help humanity, no matter how much he tried to live among them, he wasn’t one of them. Esme had seen to that.
The first time he’d seen her, he’d mistaken her for an angel. An angel of mercy, come to put him out of his misery once and for all. He would have welcomed that. But he had been drunk, and sick with grief, and she had taken full advantage. She had promised him vengeance, and served it to him in abundance.
And he had been a willing partaker. Even a gleeful one at times. That was what tortured him the most. Not that he’d killed those men—if Nazis could even be called men—but that he’d taken such pleasure from it, from the fear that he’d inflicted, the pain and cruelty of a slow, drawn-out death.
He closed his eyes and saw himself standing in that tavern in Berlin, bodies piled at his feet, Esme’s laughter ringing in his ears. The wall behind the bar had been mirrored. Alek remembered looking up and seeing himself as his last victim—his wife’s last surviving tormentor—slipped to the floor, drained of his life’s blood. Blood that covered Alek’s face, neck and chest, stained his hands with guilt. He saw himself truly in that moment, what he had become, and he hated himself for it, and he hated Esme for making him that way.
She was there, of course. She sauntered over to him, laughing all the while. She bent down and pulled off the officer’s hat, put it on and flung her arms around Alek’s neck and then proceeded to lick the blood from his face. He grabbed her and turned her around, forcing her to face the mirror. “Look! Look at us! You should wear that hat. We should both put on the uniform, because we’re no better than the men we killed.”
She only laughed harder. “Oh, Alek, be serious. You’ve avenged your sweet Irina. They had it coming.”
“Did they?” He pointed to the barkeep and the waitress, whose bodies lay in a tumble before the fireplace. “They were innocent.”
“They were Nazi sympathizers.”
“You don’t know that.”
“They were serving them, weren’t they? Gladly taking their money? Besides, I was hungry. You were keeping all of the officers for yourself. What else was I supposed to do?” She pried herself out of his grip and turned to face him. “You got your revenge. Isn’t that what you wanted? Why this sudden attack of conscience?”
He pointed at the monstrous image of himself in the mirror. “This isn’t me.”
“Of course it is. You’re a vampire, Alek. You’re no angel.”
“Neither are you.”
Again, she laughed. “Yes, well.” She shrugged. “What we are is better than angels. Better than them.” She pointed at the bodies around them. “We are the superior race, Alek. You’re a scientist. You should understand survival of the fittest.”
“I’m a doctor,” he said. “And I’ve forsaken my oath.” He looked around at all the harm he’d inflicted. “This isn’t me,” he repeated. “I’m not a killer.”
Esme grabbed his blood-stained hand and shoved it in his face. “I beg to differ. You are a killer, and a magnificent one at that.” She threw his hand down in disgust. “You’re just like me.”
“No.” He looked at her. How deceived he’d been by her beauty. He could see it clearly now, the ugliness of her soul. “I don’t know how you became this way, Esme, and whatever it was, I’m sorry. But I’m awake now. And I’m nothing like you.”
He’d walked out of the tavern then. She had shouted his name over and over, ordered and then pleaded with him to come back, but he had kept walking, never looking back.
In the stairway, Alek looked at his hands. Hands that ever since that long ago moment he had rededicated to healing. That was the last time he had violated his Hippocratic Oath. But that didn’t erase the stains on his soul, and it didn’t change what he was.
A scream snapped him out of his brooding. Alek sprang to his feet and flew up the stairs.
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