And now for something completely different. Gone to the Dogs is a faith-based, small town sweet romance, serialized here in approximately 12 parts. I asked if you would like to read it, and the votes were unanimously in favor, so here it is. If you didn’t vote and you’re not interested, you can update your subscription settings here to keep it out of your inbox.
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Coming in at the middle? Click here for a list of all the chapters.
Reagan Dunn’s life has gone to the dogs -- literally. Still recovering from a broken marriage that turned her life upside down, she searches for a new life on the road as a travelling pet sitter. When she takes a job in the little Oklahoma town of Redbud, the best she hopes for is a hot shower and a couple of nights sleeping in a real bed -- until she meets Josh, who is not only incredibly handsome, but also everything her ex-husband turned out not to be: kind, hard-working and loyal. Trouble is, he’s also taken.
Chapter Nineteen
Home. Such as it was. Reagan had a pleasant afternoon with Lydia, touring Redbud and getting to help walk all the shelter dogs, and she’d been grateful for the distraction. But she felt exhausted and wanted nothing more than to hide out in Big Winnie and hibernate for a while.
She noted Josh’s truck sitting in the driveway as she parked her scooter next to the RV. As tired as she felt, she considered going to see how he was doing and ask how Zeke was getting along. But she thought better of it. A breakup like he’d just gone through was a lot to process, and she should give him space.
She climbed into the RV and blanched at the stuffy air filling the space. It was a warm day, almost qualifying as hot, and she felt justified in turning on the air conditioner instead of opening windows. It made a big racket, but it cooled the space off quickly.
Despite Ellie’s generous offer to let her use their shower, it felt like too much work to gather up her things and walk to the house. Besides, she didn’t want it to look like she had made an excuse to run into Josh. So she threw her hair up into a lazy bun and jumped into her tiny shower for a quick rinse. Afterward, she toweled off and climbed into an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of leggings. Feeling slightly revived, she went to whip up an early supper and put on the kettle for some chamomile to help counteract all the caffeine in her system. She was pondering the contents of the fridge when a sharp rap sounded on her door.
Her heart leapt into her throat and stayed there, pounding. Had Josh come to tell her the news? She bit her lip as she closed the fridge, wondering what she’d say. Should she pretend to be surprised, or tell him she’d already found out from Lydia? That was a stupid question. Honesty was always best. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she went to open the door.
And found Deirdre standing there with murder in her eyes.
That was the last thing Reagan expected. She glanced over and saw Deirdre’s car sitting there. The AC must have covered the sound of it driving up. “Deirdre,” she managed once she recovered from her shock. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you think?”
“I honestly have no idea.”
She scoffed. “We need to talk.”
Reagan automatically opened her mouth to invite her inside, but caught herself and stepped down instead, pulling the door shut behind her. She didn’t like the fact that the RV stood between them and the house, hiding them from view. Deirdre radiated with fury. Reagan didn’t know what she might be capable of, but she wouldn’t make the mistake of underestimating her. “Let’s walk,” she said, heading out from behind the RV where they could be seen from the house.
But Deirdre grabbed her arm and spun her back around. “No. You’re going to stand right there and listen.”
“Deirdre—”
“Shut up.” She made a gesture with her hand that mimed a mouth snapping shut. Then she folded her arms and stood back, eyeing Reagan up and down. “I knew it, you know. I could see you coming a mile away. You might have everyone else fooled, but I knew what you were all about right from the start.”
Reagan blinked at her. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the way you looked at Josh. Simpering at him with your big anime eyes, playing the damsel in distress so he’d come to your rescue.”
Reagan wasn’t sure what simpering looked like, but she was pretty sure she’d never done it a day in her life. She was also pretty sure what Deirdre meant by “anime eyes” but overlooked it, considering the circumstances. “I didn’t—”
“You couldn’t wait to get your hooks in him and break us up. I told him, but he wouldn’t listen.”
“You’re the one who’s not listening. I had nothing to do with your breakup.”
Laughter burst out of Deirdre. “Yeah, right.”
“I didn’t pursue Josh. I respected your engagement. Maybe if you were a little more self-aware—”
“Oh, so it’s my fault he dumped me for the first bimbo who came along and batted her eyelashes at him?”
“That is not what happened. Josh did everything he could to make things work with you.”
“That’s a lie! I rearranged my life for him and he didn’t even give us a chance!”
“You rearranged everything to focus on your singing career!” Reagan realized they were both shouting. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to infuse her voice with calmness. “You lied to Josh.”
“And I’m sure you couldn’t wait to tell him.”
“I didn’t tell him anything. I didn’t want to be involved in any of this. You’re the one who keeps dragging me into it.”
Deirdre held up a hand. “You know what? We’re done. I can’t do this.”
“You can’t hear about your own culpability?”
“I said we’re not doing this.”
“You can’t just accuse me and—”
“I’m not doing this!” she shouted, covering her ears with her hands. Reagan stared at her in amazement, then gave a disbelieving laugh and a shake of her head. “You came here and started it.”
“Well, now I’m finishing it.”
Reagan sighed. Lord, help me honor you as I deal with this woman, she prayed, trying to muster up some compassion as she did so. “Look, I’m sorry about your breakup. Truly. If you would just listen—”
“No, you listen. This is what’s going to happen. You’re going to get in that big, ugly piece of crap on wheels and drive away. You’re going to leave Redbud, leave Josh, and never look back.”
Reagan bristled at her bullying tone. She folded her arms in defiance. “Why would I do that?”
“Because if you don’t, I’ll tell everyone how he cheated on me with you.”
Reagan realized her mouth was hanging open. She closed it, composed herself, then opened it again to speak. “That’s a lie. He didn’t, and you know it.”
Deirdre scoffed. “How do I know?”
Reagan closed her eyes. “Josh and I aren’t even together. We’re friends. We talk. That’s all.”
“That’s all? So Joey Riddle didn’t see the two of you getting cozy last night at the vet clinic?”
Reagan opened her eyes and met Deirdre’s accusing glare. She didn’t know who Joey Riddle was, but her money was on the vet tech. Of course, it would be someone Deirdre knew. “We’d just found out Zeke wasn’t seriously hurt. We hugged. That’s all.”
“Not from the way Joey described it. And even if it was ‘innocent’”—she raised her hands and made air quotes around the word—”up to that point, it doesn’t matter. Who do you think people will believe? Me, a member of the community, or some fly-by-night dog sitter who’s been in town barely more than a week?”
“I think they’ll believe Josh. I think they know his character well enough to know the truth.” Even as she spoke, doubt gnawed at her gut. She’d believed the same thing about her friends and church family back home. She still felt pierced with grief and hurt whenever she thought about how quickly they’d turned on her after hearing Spencer’s lies. They’d been so ready and willing to believe him, they hadn’t even given her a chance to defend herself.
“I guess we’ll see. Unless you leave.” Deirdre smiled and leaned in closer. “And in case you doubt that I can ruin you, I should warn you I’ve got a secret weapon. Believe me, you don’t want me to use it.” She spun on her heel and stormed off back to her car.
Reagan watched as she climbed in and slammed the door. After starting the car, she peeled out angrily on the gravel and sped away. Reagan took a deep breath and then went back inside. She stood there a moment, feeling thoroughly rattled, searching for something to do. Her mind was racing too much for prayer. Just then, the kettle whistled on the stove, so she went to make tea.
Going through the motions of tea making helped to settle her. By the time she sat down at the dinette table with a warm mug in her hands, she could think a little more clearly. She thought about everything she’d learned about narcissistic personality disorder. She’d studied it a lot toward the end of her marriage in an attempt to understand Spencer better, desperate for a way to reach him, or at least learn how to live with him in peace.
She knew that narcissists—and she had little doubt that Deirdre fit that bill—projected their own guilt onto others. That when they falsely accused you of something, it was usually something they themselves were guilty of. Was Deirdre cheating on Josh? Or at least contemplating it? Reagan shook her head. Then again, sometimes they just made things up to suit their own victim narrative. They needed to see themselves as the victim, and never the aggressor, never the responsible party. It was how they lived with the way they treated people. In their minds, it was always justifiable self-defense.
She also knew that, though they might appear proud, haughty and arrogant, deep down narcissists had the worst self-esteem of anybody. They were so full of self-loathing that they had to construct what to their minds was an idealized version of themselves, and then project that version to the world—and protect it at all costs. That often meant the ruin and destruction of those who could see past their false persona and recognize the truth.
Reagan had seen through her from the start, and in Deirdre’s mind, that made her a major threat. And now that Josh had seen as well.... Reagan sighed and sipped her tea. She had no doubt Deirdre would stop at nothing to ruin Josh’s reputation before he could ruin hers.
That would likely remain the case whether Reagan left or stayed. But if she stayed, wouldn’t that just add credibility to Deirdre’s accusations?
She closed her eyes. “Lord, please give me wisdom. I don’t know what to do.”
Another rap sounded on the door, much softer than the last. With another sigh, she set down her tea and got up. Peeking out the window this time so she wouldn’t be taken by surprise, she was surprised anyway to see Josh.
She opened the door. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He wore an expression of concern, with a hint of anger. “Did I see Deirdre out here?”
“Yeah. She left a few minutes ago.”
His anger became more than just a hint. “I’m sorry. I was in the middle of medicating Zeke when I saw her car. I got here as quickly as I could. Are you okay? What did she say?”
Reagan stood back from the door and motioned for him to come inside, where they could talk easier. He seemed a little surprised by the invitation, but only hesitated briefly before climbing the steps. He was tall enough he needed to stoop a little to get through Winnie’s door. “Wow,” he said, looking around and taking it all in. “It’s nice in here.”
Reagan gave him a wry smile. “You don’t have to sound so surprised.”
He shrugged apologetically. “It’s just so different from what you’d expect. You did a great job fixing it up.”
Reagan looked around at her renovations—the parquet floor she’d installed herself, the buttery yellow paint on the walls, the hand-sewn curtains and sofa cushions, the twinkle lights that made it all feel so cozy and the decorative touches that reflected her personality—with a sense of pride. She’d put a lot of effort into transforming this old Winnebago into her own private sanctuary. “Thanks,” she said, then remembered why he was there. She pointed him toward the dinette table. “Have a seat. Would you like some tea?”
“No, thanks.” He went to the table and squeezed himself into the booth.
“How’s Zeke?” Reagan asked as she resumed her seat across from him.
“He’s okay. Sore, but the medication’s helping. He hates his cone, though.”
She pouted. “Poor baby.”
Josh waved a hand. “Don’t get off topic. What did Deirdre want?”
She gripped her mug and fixed her eyes on its contents as she told him about her encounter with his newly minted ex. When she was done, she glanced up and saw that he was about to boil over with fury. “Why don’t I get you some tea? It’s chamomile. It’ll help calm you.”
She started to get up, but he reached out and took hold of her hand. His touch froze her in place more than his words. “No, don’t. I don’t want to be calm right now.”
She turned to face him, her hand still gripped firmly but gently in his, strong and warm. He made no move to release it, and she didn’t pull away. She let herself enjoy the way it made her heart flutter, and the warm sensation that spread out from her tummy. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “I told her you had nothing to do with it. I knew she didn’t believe me, but I never thought she’d do something like this.”
Reluctantly, Reagan extricated her hand and placed it firmly on the table. She lowered her lashes so she couldn’t see his face as she asked, “Did I?”
He breathed a sigh. “Maybe. But not in the way she thinks.” He tapped a finger on the table to get her to look at him. She lifted her eyes to meet his earnest gaze. “You helped me face my doubts. But you didn’t cause them. I knew she and I weren’t right for each other before I met you. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it. But talking to you last night brought me a lot of clarity.”
She nodded. “I’m glad.”
He leaned back and looked out the window toward the house, as though searching for what to say next. “I have a question, though.” He looked back at her. “Did you know about Deirdre’s audition in Nashville?”
Reagan blew out a sigh and rubbed her forehead, where a little knot of pain was forming. “She told me about it that night she showed up here with wine.” She lowered her hand and looked at him. “I’m so sorry, Josh. She made me promise not to tell. I told her she should tell you, but that just made her angry, and she left.”
“It’s fine. She should’ve never put you in that position.”
Reagan took a breath, feeling like a tremendous weight had been lifted. “I hated keeping it from you, for what it’s worth. I almost told you last night. I was about to, actually, right before Zeke got hurt.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset with you. I just don’t understand why she thought she had to lie to me. And now this...” He leaned on the table and raked a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. Reagan suppressed a smile.
“Sometimes people can surprise you with what they’re capable of.”
“Yeah, no kidding.”
“Speaking of which, what do you think I should do?”
“Well, you’re not leaving.” He squeezed his eyes shut and gave his head a quick shake. “I mean, I can’t tell you what to do. But I don’t want you to leave. Especially not because you feel bullied into it.”
Reagan smiled a little. “I don’t want to leave.” But her smile faded as she recalled Deirdre’s threats. “But how much damage do you think she could do?”
“Pfft.” Josh waved a hand as if to bat away the notion. “None I’m worried about. I’m sure she’ll turn her clique against me at church, but I’m leaving that church, anyway. That kind of big, flashy mega-church isn’t really my thing. I only went there because of her.” He pierced Reagan with his gaze. “Trust me, it’s an empty threat.”
“If you’re sure. I don’t want to cause any more trouble.”
“You haven’t caused any trouble.” He seemed to hesitate, considering his words, but then he forged ahead. “Besides, if you leave, you’ll cause a lot of sadness.”
Reagan smiled and ducked her head. “I’d be sad, too.”
“Well, then. I guess you’d better stick around a while.”
She glanced back up in time to catch him grinning.
“Besides,” he went on, “it’s not just me. Mom and Lydia are both over the moon about you. So is Zeke, for that matter. Although, to be fair, he loves everybody.”
She looked back down, feeling suddenly too bashful to meet his gaze, but also feeling deeply touched. “I can’t say I understand why.”
“And that’s part of your charm.”
She glanced back up to catch him looking at her in a way that ignited a fire that spread all the way to her toes. He held her gaze, and she couldn’t look away. She didn’t want to. She wanted to be looked at that way forever.
After it went on long enough that she wasn’t sure whether to be mad or grateful for the table that separated them, he broke it off and looked out the window. “It’ll be dark soon. I’d better go.”
Swallowing hard, she nodded and got to her feet. So did he. Although Winnie felt spacious enough when it was just her, it was a cozy fit for two, especially when one of the two was built like a lumberjack. She held her breath and tried to calm her fluttering heart as he squeezed past her on the way to the door.
She let him get a head start and then followed to see him out. But he stopped and turned abruptly—too abruptly for her to stop in time to keep from bumping up against him. She knocked them both off balance, and he put one arm around her to steady her as he reached for the small kitchen counter with the other.
“Sorry,” she said, and looked up to find him smiling down at her, in no hurry to let her go.
“Can’t say I mind.” His smile faded as his gaze drifted to her lips. She went still, her heart and stomach doing a trapeze act inside her. His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and her expectant lips parted of their own accord.
He released his grip on her waist. Taking her gently by the shoulders, he set her back upright, as steady on her feet as she could get with her knees turned to jelly, and took a respectful step back, impressing and disappointing her at the same time.
“Um,” he said, tipping his head and rubbing the bridge of his nose, “Mom wanted me to tell you we leave for church in the morning at nine-thirty sharp.”
“We?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Like I said, it’s time to get back to where I belong.”
Reagan nodded. “I’ll be ready.”
He smiled. “I’ll let her know.” He started to turn, but stopped again. “Oh, and she also wanted me to tell you you’re welcome to join us for breakfast. It’ll be on the table by nine.”
She returned his smile. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Good. I guess I’ll see you then.” Suddenly looking shy and embarrassed, he ducked his head and made a quick exit.
Reagan pulled the door shut behind him and then turned to watch out the window as he walked back to the house. Her insides were still doing their aerial act, flipping and tumbling around. As exhausted as she’d been earlier, she certainly didn’t feel like sleeping now.
Remembering what she’d prayed right before Josh showed up, she lifted her eyes toward the ceiling and whispered, “Thank you.” She wasn’t actually sure whether she was more or less confused than before, but at least she had clarity about one thing—for the time being, at least, she was right where she was meant to be, with a world of possibilities opening before her.
Chapter Twenty
The church service was a revelation, in more ways than one. Reagan felt instantly welcomed. As people greeted her, they showed interest without prying, and made her feel like they were genuinely glad to have her there. It helped that the Bakers treated her so much like family, and after spending breakfast and a car ride with them, it amazed her how much she felt like she belonged.
The teaching was also revelatory. Instead of preaching on a particular topic and jumping around to different Bible verses, the pastor taught verse by verse through a book of scripture, scrutinizing each verse within its overall context and drawing out application from the text.
She’d never seen it handled that way before. Currently, they were in First Peter, and as luck or Providence would have it, they were up to chapter three. Sitting between Josh and Lydia, she was hyper-aware of Josh’s presence beside her as the pastor read through the verses on wives and husbands. Of course she was well aware of the first part, had heard it preached countless times, about how wives were to be submissive and modest. When the pastor read the line about the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, Josh leaned over and whispered, “Sounds a lot like you.”
She couldn’t help but smile. If only he knew the deep storms that sometimes raged within her, or the way her mind chattered constantly. Inside her head, it was anything but quiet. Still, it warmed her to know he saw her that way, and when his hand rested on the pew next to hers, his fingers tentatively brushing up against her own, she didn’t pull away.
But then the sermon took a really interesting turn. The pastor tied the passage into the context of the previous one, which spoke of submission to authority in general. From there, he surveyed other passages showing where submission must be God-honoring and how believers aren’t to submit where it leads to sin. When he pointed out that wives aren’t called to submit when doing so would either cause themselves or enable their husbands to sin, her cheeks grew hot as she remembered how she’d tried so hard to be the submissive wife Spencer demanded. But all she’d done was make it easier for him to abuse her and cheat on her.
Another revelation came when the pastor spent more time on the next part, about how husbands are to love their wives and treat them with understanding and gentleness, not bullying them or coercing them into submission—and that if they do, God won’t hear their prayers. That part always got glossed over whenever she’d heard this passage preached on before, and skipped altogether whenever Spencer brought it up.
She risked a furtive glance at Josh and it heartened her to see him paying close attention, nodding in agreement, and even releasing her hand so he could write notes in the margins of his Bible.
Only when the teaching ended and the congregation stood for the closing prayer did she remember that she, Josh, and the pastor weren’t the only ones present. She glanced at Lydia, who smiled and winked before bowing her head and closing her eyes. Reagan felt a little embarrassed that this thing that was blossoming between her and Josh was so obvious, but she felt no shame about it. She felt almost giddy, knowing they had Lydia’s approval. Would that mean they had Ellie’s as well?
But it’s your approval that matters most, she prayed silently as the pastor gave the closing benediction. Please let us know if this is right.
After the service, Josh took her by the arm and pulled her over to meet some of his cousins, and she discovered that the Baker clan was much larger than she’d thought. Josh’s dad had been one of five siblings, all of whom had been born and raised in Redbud and remained to raise their own families. Josh’s cousins were too many to keep track of, and those were just the ones who attended this church.
They were all warm and friendly to Reagan, but she stood by awkwardly as Josh explained, as discreetly as he could, what he was doing there and what had happened with Deirdre. She pretended not to see the speculative glances cast her way. At last, Lydia joined their group and deflected attention away from the two of them, filling Reagan with gratitude and relief.
Ellie invited everyone back to the house for lunch. Enough of them accepted to make it a fairly large affair. She insisted Reagan join them, too. The thought of spending the afternoon with so many people overwhelmed her a little, but she couldn’t think of a polite way to decline. Not that she really wanted to. It meant more time with Josh, and getting to learn more about him.
Back at the house, Reagan threw herself into assisting with the preparations, partly out of a genuine desire to help and partly to stay busy and avoid any awkward attempts at small talk. Over dinner, which included the best fried chicken she’d ever tasted that didn’t come from a bucket, Reagan kept mostly quiet, speaking only when addressed directly, perfectly content to listen while others told stories about all the ways Josh and his cousins got into trouble when they were kids. He would offer her a sheepish look whenever someone revealed something particularly embarrassing, making her laugh every time.
He looked at her other times, too. She knew because she had difficulty keeping her eyes off him, and almost every time she stole a glance his way, her gaze met his and found his eyes full of admiration. She suspected he saw the same look in her eyes.
After dinner, Ellie shooed her out of the kitchen. “You’ve helped enough already. Go relax and have some fun!” Her tone brooked no argument, so Reagan made her way into the living room, where everyone had gathered for drinks and more conversation. Josh and Lydia were both engrossed in a discussion with the pastor, who turned out to be their uncle by marriage, so Reagan moved along the wall until she found Zeke lying in his bed.
He looked up from the confines of his cone and wagged his tail. “How’re you doing, boy?” He responded with a whine that reminded her of a tea kettle going off. “Do you need to go potty?”
At this, he slowly got to his feet and hobbled toward the sliding door, and she followed. Noticing them, Josh started to get up, but she waved him back with a nod toward his uncle. He returned her nod and settled back in his chair.
Outside, with the door firmly shut behind her, Reagan blew out a long sigh. She was having a lovely time, but she was getting seriously peopled out. Some quiet time outdoors was just what she needed.
She helped Zeke navigate the steps and then stood in the yard, taking in the scenery while he sniffed around and took care of business. It was a gorgeous afternoon, warm enough not to need her cardigan. The sun kissed her bare shoulders, while a gentle breeze made the tallgrass and wildflowers wave to her from the pasture. She looked around with a sense of contentment she had no business feeling. As much as she felt at home there, it wasn’t her home. But she couldn’t get over the sense of belonging she felt. Strangely, it filled her with longing. Longing to stay. To be part of this family. To be with Josh.
Suddenly, she ached to be near him, to have him all to herself, just for a moment. She regretted getting him to stay behind instead of granting him an excuse to get away with her for a few minutes. What had she been thinking?
Behind her, the patio door slid open. She turned toward the sound, and all regret was carried away on the breeze.
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
Josh closed the door behind him and turned around to find Reagan looking at him, her expression hopeful. His breath caught at the sight of her. She looked so lovely, standing there in the middle of the yard in the yellow sundress she’d worn to church, her hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders, a small smile on her lips just for him. His heart expanded so much he thought his chest might burst. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this way. He couldn’t remember whether he’d ever felt quite this way about anyone, including Deirdre. At that moment, any last shred of doubt dried up. He knew what he wanted—what his life needed—and he was looking right at her.
Suddenly feeling self-conscious, he ducked his head and raked a hand through his hair as he made his way across the deck and down the steps into the yard. His whole body fizzed with excitement as he drew near her, like a Coke bottle that had been shaken and primed to explode. It took every ounce of self-control not to reach out and touch her, to grab her and kiss her, pour all of this feeling into her.
Instead, he put his hands in his pockets and nodded toward Zeke, who was watering the trunk of an oak tree. “Thanks for bringing him out. How’s he doing?”
Reagan’s gaze lingered on him a moment before she turned to regard the dog. “He’s managing okay. You can tell he’s sore, though.”
Josh nodded. “It’s about time for another dose of meds. That should help.” He turned back to her. “What about you? How are you doing?” He gestured back toward the house. “I know all of that must be a lot for you.”
She glanced back and inclined her head, as though considering. “I like your family. I’m enjoying getting to know them. I just needed a break from all the people.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Me too.”
They both fell silent. Josh did his best to study her without staring. A line of scripture from that morning ran through his head. The imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. That fit Reagan to a tee. She could be so quiet, someone who reserved her words and who guarded her heart. After everything she’d been through, he couldn’t blame her. He only hoped she’d find him worthy of being let in. Still waters ran deep, and he would give anything to know what was going on beneath that calm surface.
He caught the way she looked around at the farmstead and found the nerve to give voice to his question. “What are you thinking?”
She shrugged lightly. “Just how much I like it here.”
“Right. You said you’ve always dreamed of a place like this.”
She glanced up at him and smiled, the delight on her face brighter than the sun. “You remembered.”
He grinned down at her. “Of course I remembered.” He looked around. “You said you wanted to plant an orchard. That’s a great idea. If you did, here, where would you put it?”
She put her hands on her hips and looked around. A line appeared between her brows and her lips twisted into a thoughtful frown. Josh fought the urge to take her face in his hands and kiss away that line, and then kiss those full lips. He tore his gaze away from her and made himself look where she was looking.
“There,” she said at last, pointing to a stretch of pasture behind the barn. “Southern exposure, so the trees would get plenty of sun and provide the yard with some shade without blocking the view.”
Josh nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I can see it. That’d be perfect.”
Zeke hobbled over then, limping slightly as he came. “Hey, buddy.” Josh knelt to greet him and got a sloppy kiss for his trouble. “I think it’s about time for your pill.” He gathered the dog into his arms and got to his feet.
“I’ll get the door for you,” Reagan said as they reached the deck, hopping up the steps in front of him.
“That’s okay. We can stay out here.” He carried Zeke to his outdoor bed and gently laid him down. Then he dug in his pockets and pulled out the bottle of pain pills he carried, along with a small bag of meat-flavored pill pockets.
“You came prepared.” Reagan folded her arms and smiled.
He glanced at her while he prepared the pill. “Well, I was a Boy Scout.”
Her shoulders shook with quiet laughter. “Why am I not surprised?”
He grinned as he bent down and fed Zeke his medication. “There you go, bud.” The dog eagerly gobbled the treat, pill and all, and then licked Josh’s fingers. Straightening up, he wiped them on his pants, then nodded toward the deck rail. Going over to it, he leaned over and rested his elbows on it. A moment later, Reagan joined him.
“What else would you do?” he asked. She gave him a quizzical look, and he nodded out toward the farm. “With this place?”
She shrugged. “Does it matter? It’s your mom’s place. It’s not like I live here.”
He made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat, choking back the words that wanted to come out. Not yet.
“I guess it might be yours someday, though,” she continued. “What will you do?”
“I want to turn it into a working farm. Plant some crops, grow some sustainable meat, maybe do dairy. Not a major operation, just big enough to serve the community.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
He glanced at her, struck by the dreamy quality in her voice. She wasn’t simply humoring him. Her expression as she gazed out at the pasture suggested she was imagining how it would all look, and it filled him with pure adoration. The intensity of his feelings startled him. Slow down there, buddy, he told himself.
“I majored in agriculture, you know,” he said. “My specialty was permaculture. Creating sustainable, interactive systems. I’ve got a lot of ideas for this place.” He looked at her. “Of course, what will really make it all great is raising a family here.”
There it was. The surest way to put the breaks on, if that was what needed to happen. His heart sank as her face fell, and she straightened up, wrapping her arms around herself.
Josh straightened, too, and turned toward her. “Kids aren’t your thing, huh?”
She shook her head. “It’s not that. Spencer and I...” She sighed. “We tried.”
Suddenly he felt like a dope. He’d forgotten how much experience she had on him. “What happened?”
She kept her gaze fixed on the horizon. “They’re in heaven.”
His stomach clenched. “They? How many?”
She spared him a glance. “Two.”
His chest constricted at the thought of the pain she must’ve gone through, and at knowing he’d stirred it up afresh. “I’m so sorry, Reagan. I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s okay.” She reached out and brushed the back of his hand with her fingers. “You couldn’t have known.”
He caught her hand and lifted it, held it in both of his. Despite the warm weather, her fingers felt chilled. “Do they have names?”
She nodded. “I’ve never told anyone, though. It was too early with both of them to tell what they would be. And Spencer... he didn’t like to talk about them.”
Josh lifted her hand and placed it against his chest. “You can talk to me.”
She smiled, and it was all the more beautiful for the way it broke through her sorrow. “Shiloah,” she said, blinking back tears. “And Sidney.” Her voice broke on the second name, along with the dam that had been holding back her grief. Her face crumpled, and she covered it with her free hand.
Moving by instinct, wanting only to comfort, Josh gathered her into his arms. She came without hesitation, and as he held her, the rightness of it all overcame him. The way she felt in his arms, the way her curves fit against him, the way her forehead nestled into the hollow of his neck. He rubbed her back and made soothing noises as she shook with silent sobs.
After a minute or two, she settled, and then she pulled back. He didn’t let her go, but loosened his grip as she leaned back, her hands resting on his chest. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice husky.
“Don’t be.”
Sniffling, she stared at the wet spot she’d left on his shirt. “Spencer never let me... he didn’t want—”
“I tell you what, if I ever meet this Spencer, I’m going to knock his block off.”
A giggle burst out of her. She looked up at him, and he caught his breath. She’d never looked more beautiful. She didn’t wear much makeup—she didn’t need it. But her cheeks were wet, and some of her hair was plastered against one of them. He brushed it out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. Cupping her delicate face in his hands, he wiped her spent tears with his thumbs.
“Reagan,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, thick with emotion. He didn’t care if he was moving too fast. He didn’t care what propriety said about how long he should wait after a breakup. He needed to kiss this woman. He needed to love this woman. He needed to be the man for her that her ex-husband had failed to be.
Her breath came heavier as she gazed up at him, and her lips parted in silent assent. He closed his eyes and caught them with his. His whole being caught fire as he tasted their fullness. He wanted to stay there forever, to lose himself in kissing her, but he didn’t dare linger too long. It was a brief preview, a promise of things to come. He broke it off and rested his forehead against hers. “You set the bar,” he said.
She laughed a little. “What?”
He pulled back and looked at her, but before he could explain what he meant, cheers erupted from the house. They looked over and saw his family crowding at the patio door, watching and applauding them, led by his sister, who gave them a double thumbs up. He rolled his eyes and waved them away as Reagan hid her face against him. “Oh my gosh,” she cried.
“I’m so sorry about that.”
Her shoulders shook again, this time with laughter. When she looked up, she was smiling. “I guess I’m glad they approve.”
“What about you? Do you approve?”
Her eyes sparkled. “How could I not?” She started to back away, and he reluctantly released her. “I need to go to my RV and clean up. I’ll meet you back inside.”
He didn’t like the idea of being separated from her, even for a few minutes, but he nodded. “I’ll be waiting.”
She turned to go, and he watched until she disappeared around the side of the house, marveling at how quickly things could fall into place.
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